A Different Bed Every Time Read online

  PRAISE FOR MY ONLY WIFE

  “Jemc’s subtle touch is evident in the focus and attention of My Only Wife. The reader’s heart stirs and stops on her whim. This is a lovely, finely tuned book.”

  —Amelia Gray, author of Threats, Museum of the Weird, and AM/PM

  “Jac Jemc’s My Only Wife operates with the calm, pristine clarity of an enormous marble room. In moving, methodically arranged sentences, one comes across the surpassing surfaces and relics of a kind of intimacy that seems an increasingly difficult proposition to rightly preserve. At last, here is a novel concerned with timeless dedication, love, and respect, which phrased through Jac Jemc’s steady warming eye needs no punch line or coincidence or cataclysm to give true glow to the glow itself.”

  —Blake Butler, author of There Is No Year and Nothing: A Portrait

  “I adored this book. I adored the slippery, enigmatic wife of the title and I adored her adoring husband and I adored every lovely, heart-breaking sentence in this deftly written, beautiful book.”

  —Elizabeth Crane, author of When the Messenger Is Hot and We Only Know So Much

  PRAISE FOR THESE STRANGERS SHE’D INVITED

  “The word that kept coming to mind as I read this chapbook once and twice and a third time was ‘impeccable.’ The writing is quite crisp, almost intricate. Each sentence almost had an aphoristic quality.”

  —Roxane Gay, author of An Untamed State and Ayiti

  “Each one seems a set piece, interchangeably, a curio on a slanting cabinet shelf, a mix of play and seriousness, a way of spooling up emotions and spinning them into tiny, hushed things. I would not be surprised to see this thing—poem, hybrid, flash?—alongside the gold-plated petrified bones of a deep sea fish or a looking glass or a dagger or a thimble made of crushed and varnished black bread or maybe even a type of large gleaming hook.”

  —Sean Lovelace, author of Fog Gorgeous Stag and How Some People Like Their Eggs

  “Smart, sharp chapbook. I felt pulled through each section seamlessly and ended up reading this three times in a row. ‘Section 8’ took the cake for me, but nothing disappointed here.”

  Sarah Rose Etter, author of Tongue Party

  A Different Bed Every Time

  A Different Bed Every Time

  Jac Jemc

  5220 Dexter Ann Arbor Rd.

  Ann Arbor, MI 48103

  www.dzancbooks.org

  The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  A DIFFERENT BED EVERY TIME. Copyright © 2014, text by Jac Jemc. All rights reserved, except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher: Dzanc Books, 5220 Dexter Ann Arbor Rd., Ann Arbor, MI 48103.

  Designed by Steven Seighman

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Jemc, Jac, 1983-

  [Short stories. Selections]

  A different bed every time / Jac Jemc.

  pages cm

  ISBN 978-1-941531-80-8

  I. Title.

  PS3610.E45A6 2014

  813’.6—dc23

  2014013914

  ISBN: 978-1941531808

  First U.S. Edition: October 2014

  Printed in the United States of America

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  To Jenny, for teaching me to read.

  Contents

  A Violence

  The Grifted

  The Dark Spot

  Women in Wells

  Marbles Loosed

  Bent Back

  Ratman

  The Wrong Sister

  Somebody Else’s

  Half

  Judgment Day

  Hammer, Damper

  Unaccounted

  The Crickets Try to Organize Themselves

  Into Some Raucous Pentameter 61

  A Heaven Gone

  Like Lightning

  Before We Pass This Way Again

  The Chamber of the Enigma

  The Colleens

  Engrossed

  The Direction of Forgetting

  Roundabout the Bottom

  Tangle

  Points on Staying Alive During That Old War

  Felted

  Entered

  A Willingness & Warning

  More Mysteries

  Twins, or Ambivalence

  Prison Windows

  The Tackiness of Souls

  Hospitable Madness

  Prowlers

  Filch and Rot

  Recipe for Her Absence

  Both Fruit and Flower

  Configuration

  The Effects of Rotation

  The Things Which Blind Us 151

  Let Me Be Your Tugboat King

  Alcyone

  The Hush of the Party

  Acknowledgments

  Somebody once told me, as a thought in consolation, when you see a beautiful woman, always remember: somebody is tired of her.

  —BARRY HANNAH, “TWO GONE OVER”

  I do sense a life boarded up inside you.

  —GARY LUTZ, “PARTIAL LIST OF PEOPLE TO BLEACH”

  Anything that wasn’t just totally accidental seemed wrong to me.

  —EILEEN MYLES, INFERNO

  A Different Bed Every Time

  A Violence

  Every night I stunned myself with gin. On one date, a man and I ended up at the airport and ate rhinestones. We moved fast and real. The plane progressed in handfuls of miles at a time. I refused to keep secrets, but he told them to me anyway. After a few days of gorging under the guise of vacation, I hit the road, figuring out how to be kind. This man could rile me, lift me, convince me with his hands. It felt too much like a disadvantage.

  Another man looked at me like I might gnaw off his face before dragging him into a bush. He calmed down and we shared a holy week of drinking. I suffered a hairline fracture, and every few minutes it felt like someone shot a hockey puck up my leg. We played sailors behaving badly. We skated on predictions of what might happen between us. I whispered in his ear, “I know what’s beneath your pillow,” and he asked me to repeat myself. We watched pig dissection on his computer and had bad dreams. By the end apologies were hovering around us, but neither of us could tell whose turn it was to speak, so we lost each other.

  The next boy I met on a mission. My fingers fell asleep, a handful of beetles. He showed me a map and asked me to read it. When we finished, I applauded and we knew we would draw new cartographies on each other’s skin. This news abstracted itself, refused to be comforting. I quieted bell after bell against my tongue. One night, fleshless, he emerged from the basement and began making accusations: You are delirious. You are dungeoned. You are stapled shut. I admitted my faults: I am a drawer full of fire. Only a flash flood could put me out. My appetite was pared. Starving myself of him did not feel like starving.

  I slowed a little. I felt like I had made up for the lost time. I was all soft and crazy hair everywhere and boys paid me extra attention because they looked at me all the time like I’d just woken up beside them. But you can’t go for it every time. You’ve got to dangle the carrot.

  I kept running into men I’d dated while on dates with other men. I found new ways of explaining them to each other. Every time it happened I thought about how Wittgenstein called language a cage. I was living in a city that seemed smaller and smaller every-day. I had few deal breakers: I didn’t trust hunters or jokes with punch lines. Beyond that I would allow myself to forget any vows I’d taken and looked forward to forgetting how many fingers I had on each hand. One guy kept insisting he was not hungry whil
e we were watching a movie, but I caught him—twice—in the kitchen with a fork in his mouth. I developed moods that felt like they could be stretched forever like a piece of dirty bubble-gum. Despite however much I tried to erase it, I had this human heart that was always showing up and milking itself into my body.

  I made up things to say and tried to find the right person to say them to. I am vibrating. I am beckoning. I have riddles for you. Men with thick piano-key fingers. Men who offered to change light bulbs for me. Men made of glass and ones built of brick. Men who took me to concerts and tried to tilt their heads to mine. Men who the closer I got, the less I could see. Men who held me down when I asked and ones who just couldn’t. Men with rabbit-hole grins and men with gruesome, peristaltic, nervous tics. I could watch each of them happen. I could see the wrongness. I could find beauty everywhere. When I woke each morning I could see that the day was capable of forking like the foot of a crow. I tried to remember where I’d been. I was sure I was smiling too much. Everything was funny. Deadlines moved themselves around me in a counter-clockwise direction. Every night I tried to figure out how to talk to someone new.

  One night I went out with a gorgeous boy who had a brain in his head and kept trying to figure out what my faces meant, and I had to keep plucking his fingers from my mouth, against all of my desires. And I could feel that neither of us knew what to do with the yo-yo that was swinging between us and that both of us were fighting our collars with tugs and pinches. All around us, people were caring about each other, their hands finding other hands. He and I spent every minute of our time trying to forget the other one before we could remember them. He spun his straw around his glass and I was happy to have the distraction of watching the layers of liquid unstripe themselves. On this evening, I was fearful: it was easy to imagine spending years living alone, deep inside his body. I started trying to jigsaw him into my future. I fit the piece of him onto a big porch in the country, until I caught him flummoxing some girl at the next table. I told him I was ready to go. The conversation outside was a jumble of cigarettes and irreversibility.

  At home I avoided my basement. I’d had a series of dreams of round teeth pushing through the gums of the doorway downstairs. I drew pictures diagonally on paper like women do and let the lines curl on themselves. I answered the door, unconcerned that my mouth, my hands, my dress were open. I put air in my tires like I might go somewhere. At six a.m., I’d tell myself, I will know if I will always be alone. I was never shy enough to wave goodbye; I’d just say it and mean it. I would watch the sky for stars rising slowly and evenly like car windows. I made my neighbor knock on my door while I was entertaining these men. I’d tell them it was my boyfriend coming home and shove them under the bed, just to keep things interesting.

  I met a man at those chess tables in the park. The violent knocking down, the bold decisions, the small leaps that make statements. Every time we finished a game he convinced me to start another. He kept saying “polyglot” like it was something that showed up in a blood vessel. He threw up in the bushes on our walk to the café. When I asked if he was all right, he apologized for being nervous. I had thought he was just being an asshole. His mustache looked more like a horseshoe than a handle bar. Flecks of spittle clung near his mouth. He was balding, something I normally found sexy. While he said things I didn’t care to hear, I imagined eighteenth-century children running toward us on the path, sticks nudging hoops ahead of them. When I tuned back in, it seemed he was trying to stretch my impression of him in another direction, but really it was snapping back opposite. At dinner, when he looked down into his bag to pull out his journal, I rolled my eyes—until he opened the book and a flyer for a strip club fell out showcasing a woman with star pasties, boots so tall the edges licked the folds of her labia. His hands crashed to his face before he turned to the potted plant beside him like he was going to wretch again. Instead his body seized several times and then relaxed. I picked up the flyer and said, “She is pretty,” before the waiter took our order.

  I drank too much coffee. The city felt like a pinball table, like I might slip between the sewer grates and become lost to the game.

  I met a man at the natural history museum. I could tell by the way he pushed the buttons on the exhibits that we could have some fun. Each time the screen changed, another graph, another map, another face appeared, and he turned to see my reaction. I asked lots of questions about his life and no matter how I tried to fool him into being honest, he plumped the stories up so they sounded fancier. It was like seeing someone in the middle of a snowy field with no footsteps around them. Everyone has to get to where they are. I told him I didn’t believe him and left him with the water birds.

  I started to make questionable decisions. Crossing against the light. Crawling out windows onto porch rooftops in heels. At the amusement park I pulled the plush head off one of the workers wandering around in his cartoon costume. I got held for several hours, reprimanded, released, banned.

  I allowed a spindly piece of a man to empty me of my bridesmaid dress. This gentleman in a good suit felt the urge to take that suit off, to put his glasses on the nightstand, to properly tell me the story of how he could touch me. I was veins and rich tastes in my mouth. I was gutsy and howling. I was a variety of surprises and I was wrong. I bared my teeth. I became a bird split open. Proximity, suspense and patterns clicked themselves together to try and predict the secrets of what lay ahead. I outweighed wisdom with pig-faced lust.

  I started wearing my glasses all the time. I started wearing big clothes to make myself appear more vulnerable. I started dropping coins on the ground to get people’s attention. I told myself, “I’ve changed.” I asked men directly to my apartment and when they emerged through the front door I’d do my best to let my arms act as clothing. I was overrun with ghosts. I unfastened chains from morning till night. I spoke in lilting tones. I narrowed things down. Every angle was assaulting me. I tried to figure out if this was some kind of self-imposed death sentence. I stood outside closed doors and tried to make myself happy about it. My mind fulfilled with a basic conglomeration of faces, the specifics fading fast. Sometimes it was all I could do to be comforted by some vague ending glimmering in the distance. A slithering feeling constantly distracted me from the task at hand. I stared at a snail trying to curl its body into a coke bottle.

  I left my windows wide open, and even in the pitch black, I imagined the people on the other side of the alley could see the glint off our bellies and backsides. They wondered, “Again?” They wondered, “How long?”

  Over and over, until I felt different.

  The Grifted

  It was Saturday at the mansion. Grandfather had finished breakfast. It was Enza’s day off and so I bussed the dishes to the kitchen. “You’ve turned into a nice young man, Jim. You’re sure to carry on the family name well. There’s so much waiting for you,” he called from the rear sun porch. I rinsed his plate and looked around. I tried to imagine more.

  The doorbell rang.

  In hindsight I’m sure she moved much more slowly. In the moment, though, as soon as I opened the door, the scam artist had her hand in my pocket, was leading me on a tour of my own home, starting with my bedroom.

  “Trust me,” she breathed in my ear, her hands sliding down my abdomen and robbing me of my shirt.

  “Who are you?” I asked, and her face blossomed several tiny smiles.

  “Let’s just say my soul is full of guests.” She looked around. “Do you have the time?” I was confused, excited, stupid. I pointed to my watch on the dresser.

  She grabbed it, scanned the face, and shoved it into a pocket before she lifted her dress over her head. She was on me, my clothes were off before I even registered the muffled clank of my watch against the floorboards. She worked her thumb into my mouth, fit her other hand into the stirrup of my collarbone, and pushed herself around. While she had me distracted, she examined the room for weak underbellies. She was good; I was gone and she was figuring out exactly
where everything would be. I gathered myself snugly into some fantasy as she raided the surface of my desk from across the room. My face shut tight with my rising detachment until she forced a plea from me.

  Her clothes were back on and she was up, wandering the room, opening doors and drawers before I’d even opened my eyes again. Her hands seemed full. I didn’t ask her to leave.

  My grandfather called my name.

  “Are you Jimmy?” she asked with a mouth full of teeth. I nodded, unable to focus. “You should probably respond to whoever’s down there calling you then, cowboy.” I nodded again and she threw my pants at me. As I stretched my shirt over my head, I kept thinking, carpetbag pockets, carpetbag pockets, carpetbag pockets. Her hands closed around the collection of small liquor bottles I’d been gathering for years and when I heard them land inside her dress, the clatter sounded farther away than the bottom of her pocket. I kissed her neck, blindly, hesitated leaving her, not because I was afraid of why she was there, but because I thought she might be gone before I made it back.

  When I reached Grandfather, he asked me to wheel him back inside before he asked who was at the door. “Just a canvasser,” I lied. My lips felt swollen, roughed up. I wanted him to be able to tell. I could hear her steps above me. She was in Grandfather’s room now. Something shattered. I heard the drag of wood against wood. Grandfather’s hearing was almost gone, and he asked for his book. Everything in me sank with relief and I tried to pretend it hadn’t.

  I rushed back upstairs. The room in which I’d left her was empty. Only the bed, the dresser, a night table remained. The Tiffany lamp was missing, each drawer purged, the windows bare of their tapestry curtains.

  I ran to Grandfather’s room. The furniture was gone. The Oriental rug which had cloaked the ancient mahogany floors had been taken away. Holes hid in plain view where pictures, nails had once been. I shook my head, trying to startle everything back into view. My sight went blurry, looked more occupied for a second, then settled into emptiness.